When shit gets real.. “Bring it back to Centre”
Life is a funny thing! It’s unpredictability gives us our highest or highs and our lowest of lows. Just when you think you’ve bowled straight, a curve ball comes flying your way and leaves you with no time to duck. Make no mistake, this is not an unfortunate coincidence or an uninvited detour! Life will inevitably kick our hiney’s from here to Timbuktu when we least expect it, and the truth is that this is a process we were meant go through over, and over, over again. Our growth lies in the trials and the triumphs that follow, in knowing what down is and falling in love the ups as we climb back to the top. And climb we will, each and every time once we can understand that that not everything bad happens TO US, some negatives actually happen FOR US. Stick with me here because the advice given to me when my shit got real not all that long ago was priceless, and I want to share this simple notion with you! We have all been there.... Strolling down what looks to be a smoothly paved road with our destination in clear view, when we quickly discover that smooth sailing was an all too foolish assumption to make. “Why me?”, “I don’t deserve this”, “I give up”! The self pity talk creeps in and any sense motivation or positivity slips away.
The road less travelled is less travelled for a reason .... because it is hard. But what I discovered is that if I sat in my mess and took the road most travelled, you know the one? The trip down Poor Me Lane, a right turn at Screw This Street and a pitt stop at I’m F&cking Done Parade, then I was able to turn the key, start the engine and floor it back home to my driveway on I’m the Master of my Fate Avenue. This process is where “the money is” folks!
As by standers watching the ones we love in pain or struggling we try to pick them up, to fix it, to be the positive beacon of light that makes them realise that they are better than this and that they will be fine. We encourage our loved ones to get up, see friends, get out there and to ‘snap out of it”. But there are just some things in life where this does more harm then good. Life, in all it’s splendour and beauty, will hand you situations that are close to unbearable, that break your heart and that leave you feeling totally defeated. I’m not talking about stubbing your toe or a visit to the hairdressers gone wrong, I’m talking about the real stuff. Terminal illnesses, relationship break downs, affairs, death, domestic violence, severe financial strain, and the list goes on. When I hit my lowest of lows I found myself dodging the company of the people who were trying to throw me a lifeline. I didn’t want a lifeline, I wanted to sit in my shit. I wanted to process it, to really sit with how I was feeling, and I am so glad that listened to my gut and took that trip for a time.
So many of us are raised with sentences like “don’t cry”, “ don’t be sad” or “come on dust yourself off and get on with it”, and subsequently instead of purging what needs to come out, we bury it. Albeit our parents and guardians said such things with only love and care, it simply isn’t always the way to go. Don’t get me wrong here, there needs to come a time when you wipe your tears, put your adult panties back on and move forward but first things first my friends, you fall all apart if you need too... the pieces will be there to put together when you’re ready, I assure you!
One dear friend of mine became my ride or die during this time....simply because she held my space in whatever state I was in. She barely said a word, she didn’t initially offer advice, she just listened. There was no sense to be made, no speeches of how amazing and undeserving I was and let me tell you, it was so oddly refreshing!! When I asked for advice, she said one simple thing to me. “Always, bring it back to centre”. What did she mean by this?? Let me explain, because this sentence can be your lifeline for all of life’s ‘educational escapades’.
Bring it back to centre
Thoughts can be harmful, pain can linger and such happenings can feel raw years later when triggered by an image, a face or by your mind just having an inconsiderate minute of it’s own.
Bringing it back to centre means bringing it all back to you. What am I feeling? Why? Does this serve me? Where’s this come from? What am I going to do with this? It’s pulling yourself back into....... Well .....yourself. Into this very moment and nothing else. It’s the straight line in a moment when your surrounded by bends and swirls, it’s sitting within the very core and centre of you. It prompts you to stop, to look inward and to listen to no one, to no thought, to no circumstance outside of YOU. These words said out loud, whispered under your breathe or even just stated in your mind escort you to a feeling of peace in almost an instant, and voila’...... your back on track rather then looking in a rearview mirror that serves you nothing. This is not a bid for you to take on meditation, although I am a huge advocate, I’m not suggesting you sit and be silent or put the timer on for 5 and close your eyes. This my friends, is a mantra ,5 simple words, that can shift the way you deal with the real shit. So, “Bring it back to centre”.... and keep strutting your stuff like only you can.
In conclusion I hope there are a few things that are held onto with regard after this read.
Listen to yourself! When you need to, be sure to take the drive down Poor Me Lane, Screw This Street and I’m F&cking Done Parade! But once you’ve sat with that then get your spunky, capable butt back to I’m the Master of my Fate Avenue!!
If you are a loving by stander..... Fixing isn’t always what’s needed. Hold the space they are in and just listen. There may come a time when you have to put your best bud cape on and kindly kick some arse, but give wounds time to be felt first.
Understand that no one is exempt from situations that will try to break you. There’s no luck here, there’s no secret to dodging the curve balls, they come for every single one of us. It is
how we handle it, how we grow from it and what we do with the lesson once we are strong enough to keep going that makes all the difference.
“In a self - centred world, be the centred self”
Cristie B Gardner